Do Not Hide the Pregnancy Because it Will Show Anyway

I love all mothers. They not only have the enormous task of sheltering the unborn for nine Months but they also mother us. Mothers provide some kind of refuge that only nature can explain. I read somewhere recently that one way of discouraging abortion is to take the patient for a scan and allow her to see the living foetus in her belly. When a woman sees her child and realises that she is about to kill her own baby – I don’t know what happens but somehow her maternal instincts tells her to say no. I am told this method has worked effectively to discourage abortion in many parts of the US.

I know almost nothing about pregnancy apart from the fact that it is is quite visible and obvious to the public. I also know that it’s cause more than often is obvious to everyone – though of late the rate of invitrofertilisation has been on the rise. What intrigues me is that many young girls often try to hide their pregnancies as if it was something that they could hide for ever. The problem is that the more time advances the more the evidences speaks for itself. Things are made worse by those who are discouraging and abusive to the young girls who more than often are victims of circumstances- albeit their ignorance.

I am speaking of the so-called unwanted pregnancies or rather unplanned pregnancies, lest you get me wrong! I am not going to support or castigate this kind of pregnancy but want to say emphatically that once it has happened let it be. Ignoring the obvious cause (Of course invitrofertilisation is by choice and only a lunatic would hide or abort) should be the inevitable as you focus on sustenance and development of the new being. So girls, don’t press these dear ones too hard with the waistline of your trousers – if it were in my hands I would prefer the old fashioned maternity dress for I hear it is way too cormfy.

I also want to advice the mothers and guardians of these dear ones that it once their babies choose to explore their mothering ability your antenna should rise high and remember the priority of your daughter’s safety over the sanctity of the family’s name. This is the major undoing of especially religious mothers. They think so much of their tarnished images at the expense of their daughter’s lives that they end up endangering their lives.

This attitude may breed two possible scenarios. Case one, the mother would always rush to procure abortion. This happens especially with those of the liberal wing who think that they run the monopoly over morality and that they can twist the wand at their pleasure. This is not common in Kenya but is increasingly on the rise. The other scenario is quite common, recurrent and most dangerous. The mother hides the daughter. Somehow the girl is kept away from public reach – maybe to her aunt far away. Most of the time this aunt could be some woman without family as those with families would always say that your daughter could be “a bad influence to theirs.” This groups of mothers is the kind that I choose to address today.

If you choose to keep the baby – which is the right thing and is my preference – then keep the babies please and give your daughter a life. You don’t even have to start a new lecture on premarital sex because she already has it. If she drops out of school, please don’t call the new angel a “school certificate” for you don’t know what they may become – including but not limited to being the president of the United States. Hiding the girl may kill her morale and permanently damage her esteem. Alternatively she may overreact and end up being the disgrace you were evading in the first place. Overall, girls, avoid unnecessary and unwanted pregnancy at all costs because it surely comes with its baggage. But if you get into it be ready and willing to carry it forever. Remember the irresponsible man will always keep aloof. You may even think their transcendence on the situation is godly. Pregnancy is always a challenging thing to the mother. I admonish even the married couples to exercise caution before they decide to have their babies and when they do they should be ready to bear the full responsibility.

So I say, even if a child is conceived through rape or whatever keep the child and nature him well. History will treat you kindly for that – trust me it will. You don’t have to be religious to think right.

Now to my main point. We have a child – Kenya who was conceived through rape (a stolen election and an ensuing violent protest thereafter). There has been a pregnancy for the past one year and the gestation period has not been a beautiful one. To make matters worse, the two culprits got into an unholy matrimony (Grand Coalition Government) to solemnise or rather conceal this unplanned pregnancy and make it look legitimate, enshrining it into the constitution in the name of the National accord.

My readers may recall this mantra that I have always quoted – Peace whenever possible truth at all costs. I still stand by it. During the Post election violence, a dear friend sent me a short text message saying “People are condemning about the violence but they are legitimising the theft. Where is our morality?” Today I still insist that the ODM truce was a facade, a political blunder and a betrayal to the citizenry and I’ll get to that later. For now I’ll stay on the analogy of the hidden pregnancy.

Not too long after the Peace Accord was signed an unanimously voted for into the constitution cracks begun to shown within the GCG. Questions of the pecking order, security details, housing office and staffing for the PM, communication within government, role of the Prime minister and VP, Appointment into government departments and State corporations, pursuing the reform agenda among many other things begun to arise. Instead of being forthright with Kenyans, the PM took us for a ride and told us that the GCG is running smoothly with just a few teething problems which would be ironed out with time. He kept defending the performance of the GCG and said he had a cordial relationship with the President and that they met and consulted regularly which begs the question, how then does he keep implementing things you have not agreed about.

I know that your intentions of hiding the tension from kenyans was genuine – you hoped that one day you would successfully convince Kibaki into reforms. But Raila your judgment was wrong. A pig would only give birth to a pig however long or short the pregnancy. You see, some mothers, after hiding their pregnant daughters, try to cheat their husbands that the daughter is just visiting an aunt and that she would be back soon. The pregnancy of the young girl is kept from the father until it is too late when he is asked to contribute some cash for the hospital bill – normally this happens when there is a medical emergency and an urgent operation has been done without his consent.

Most mothers when asked would retort “But Baba Nani, can’t we discuss this after our daughter has received her treatment? Let us deal with the situation fast.” She does this hoping that the man will cool down after seeing his bouncing grandchild – and surely some do. Others however, take offense and rightly so.

They argue that the pregnancy is a disgrace but most importantly they say that they have lost trust after having been deceived for nine months. They question what more would have done without his knowledge. You see, a daughter’s pregnancy may be devastating but nothing is worse than an unfaithful spouse.

So this mother may be very faithful in her marital obligations – she might even be a serious Church mother, but this one instance of dishonesty may be the beginning of mistrust in her marriage. And I think the man would be right to distrust her from thence forth. Other women may argue that the man is suspicious for nothing – that he is reacting out of an isolated case – but hey! What with the woman not trusting him in the first place with the information about the daughter’s pregnancy? So who sowed the seed of distrust?

Raila Odinga has been in this game with us for a while  so even though he says that his hands are, it is him who tied  himself into an unecessary illegitimate  marriage when he endorsed a pregnancy that wasn’t his. So now it won’t matter to us anymore that his election victory was stolen. He legitimised it hoping that the marriage would be rosy. He even kept assuring us that all was well when we knew for sure that this girl Kenya was carrying a child from an incestuous relationship. Nobody cares anymore that the girl was raped long after the truth has been kept away from the stakeholders. This, unfortunately, is bad for the girl who will still be in need of some therapeutic intervention having gone through such an horrendous ordeal.

So Baba Fidel today is confirming that the pregnancy we have always suspected is in fact real. That in fact he has always been lying to us – albeit with good intentions. But his means has failed to justify the end and so he is going back to the drawing board. Too bad Bwana Tinga. You remain badly exposed and the game is to portray you as a whiner who cannot function in government. You see, your strongest selling point has always been reforms. By taking away your ability to implement them and making it look like you are in fact an complicit to the corrupt deals you remain screwed. But again you are a politician – I only wait with baited breadth to see the way you do your thing.

Meanwhile, now it is clear to all Kenyans, including the toddlers and the blind (I mean the myopic type – not downplaying the intellect and other faculties of the physically challenged) that mother Kenya is carrying a child. The birth pangs have begun. Are we ready this time? Will we fruitfully deliver the baby? Or is it going to be another still birth? And what are we going to do with the illegitimate Child?

To the spiritualizers out there, this is not an allegory.

I am sure you have not learned any lesson. I have not either and I didn’t intend to any way. I am just whining.

Leaders of Tomorrow

In October 1980 when I was born my dad was barely 28 years old. He had gone to school with the promise of tomorrow’s leadership. He was a Primary School teacher having trained at Shanzu Teachers Training College, thanks to his elder brother, Fred, who while a student at Mombasa Polytechnic had applied on his behalf to join the Institution. So my old man, now 57 retired as a School teacher three Years ago. He confides in me that his brother and other surrounding forces had prevailed upon him to abandon his A-level studies and join the Teachers Training College since there was urgent need for leaders of tomorrow. He obliged and faithfully pursued this new calling and was admitted to the Teacher’s Service Commission’s Payroll in 1978, two years after which I was born – a bouncing baby boy also with the promise of tomorrow’s leadership.

My Primary and Secondary education was faithfully pursued during the Nyayo era with even greater promise of tomorrow’s leadership. Meanwhile, my poor old man stagnated in his teaching profession waiting faithfully for his tomorrow to come so that he too could lead. So he taught and taught then abandoned  his employer TSC and moved to Muhoroni Sugar Company where he continued to teach in the Company School. Somewhere down the line – I don’t know how it happened, but it did anyway – the man was working in the security department of the company. It was a probation period so I am told. Somebody help me understand, how a teacher becomes the head of watchmen… it didn’t make sense then and it still doesn’t to date. Anyway, the poor man did not finish a month as a head watchman (whatever it was, i am not even sure what his work was then – besides I was too busy trying to become a leader of tomorrow that I had not time, let alone ability to investigate the mystery) before he was transferred to what was then called training and development office.

He worked in that department for two or three years (memory fails me) before he suddenly announced to me his sudden resignation. I bet the old man figured out that he had no business masquerading as a middle-level company manager without any meaningful training for it. Methinks he must have been idling in that office and he saw no sense in earning a pay wrought from pure boredom and petty gossip. Though he tells me that he resigned because his conscience would not allow him to sign a document that acknowledged receipt of construction materials for a departmental building. Turns out the materials never made it to the company but to a bar one fat cat was building in his hometown.

Anyway he made amends with his former employer (TSC) and was reinstated as a teacher, a capacity he served in till his retirement not so long ago.

While all these were happening, I was also climbing the academic ladder with due diligence (well I joked a little bit and was expelled from three High Schools and ended up being a semi-private candidate). I begun my undergraduate during the Moi era but completed during the Rainbow era. You see, the Nyayo era was disillusioning that I just went to college because of many other becauses. But when the Rainbow revolution came, I thought, wow! here comes the culmination of my dream – there will be employment after all. Finally I am going to be a leader of tomorrow. Of course you all know what happened: the more things changed the more they remained the same. Octogenarians were hired and maintained as technocrats at various government departments and State Corporations. So while my dad was retiring at 55, being declared unable to instruct 10 – 15 year 0lds, the Muthauras in the 70’s or 80’s, whatever, were solidifying their positions in government. My hopes for tomorrow’s leadership once more ebbed away from me.

What I Did Not Get Right

So I have been asking myself whether my tomorrow will ever come. Many people having been working towards becoming the leaders of tomorrow and they have greyed without realising this dream. So is the question about the actual coming of tomorrow or the understanding of leadership. Maybe what I need to understand is what I am supposed to do when I finally become the leader of this so elusive tomorrow. And how do I become this leader?

Well, like the poor Jehovah Witnesses who had twice predicted Christ return without success and on realising their delusion decided to explain away their fairy so will I. The witnesses now say that in fact, Christ indeed returned as predicted. So they say they were right about the time of Jesus’ second return but were wrong on the how of his return. That Jesus indeed came, though no one saw him.

That is how I will explain my leadership and by extension my pap’s leadership of tomorrow – or is it yesterday? You see, I will not be elected into any contestable office, neither will I work for any state department or corporation – I have determined not to even if the position was brought before me with an additional offer of a tractor, a fleet of landrovers and a private jet. Nonetheless, I realise that I have immense capacity and opportunity to influence life – both of individuals and society at large. That sphere of influence is what I call leadership. I can count individuals whose lives have changed for the better because they met me – or rather, i met them. Well, there may be some whose lives changed for the worse because we met – either in my days as an obnoxious teenager or in my latter days as Young adult.  An acquaintance of mine once retorted: “I won’t let you be the agent of discouragement in my life.” There and then I stopped teasing this little girl who was my schoolmate. I learned therefore that whatever it is that I rub into individuals, will trickle down to society – and that, my friends, is my leadership contribution.

So my old man need not wait to be State House tenant to fulfill the mantra of “tomorrow’s leadership” because for one he will never but also most importantly there is no leadership in that house. The people we call honourables are in fact dishonourable rulers and not leaders. Leaders show not only how to do stuff but also why stuff is done. Rulers on the other hand, demand that we get things done – things that most of the time they don’t even comprehend an inch. Figure out assistant minister Kalembe Ndile giving an ultimatum to his “juniors” that he wants a whole KWS director to report to him early in the morning whenever a goat is eaten by a lion. We have that breed all over and we call them our leaders – leader my foot!

I still insist that leadership begins in the tiniest social unit – family. When my Father spanked me back in the 90’s because I had not defended my brother when he was being beaten by some juveniles in the estate I took him as a cruel man. Five or six years ago he addressed my brother and I as his closest allies and admonished us not to part ways and to be mindful of each others’ welfare. He also said he would forgive anybody for anything but will never listen to anybody who hurts his wife who is my mother. What my father was doing is called training. It was not mere instruction, it was giving direction. Simply put, my dad taught me that a man’s responsibility is to defend his wife at all times. He is also responsible for educating his children – both formally and informally.

Apart from training his own children my father was entrusted with the responsibility of instructing other people’s children. This year alone, I have talked to his former pupils, now professionals in India, Netherlands, Spain, Sweden, here in the US and back home in Kenya – all expressing gratitude for his role in their lives. Of course there are some bitter ones whom he spanked. Well, he spanked me more and I am not groaning or mourning about it. One pupil, Nimisha called and told me how grateful she was to my dad who had taught her English. She narrated that while in Grade 5 my dad asked her to read a comprehension passage before the grade 7. She adds that the experience boosted her drive and desire to learn English more. When she went back to India, she had her first job as an interpreter and has since then advanced into other fields. I called my dad to tell him the sweet stories I have been hearing and I could tell from his voice that he was crying. He was too excited that he couldn’t say anything but cry – thanking god that at least his feeble efforts count after all.

So even though he paid my school fees, the greatest benefit I got was from the periodic spankings when my conduct and character were unbecoming. The reminders of family value and unity, love and respect will never leave my mind. Therefore I can say that he satisfactorily led his family into adopting the value system he espoused. That is leadership. He may have failed in many other things (like he may have realised too late that I only bow to reason – that the more I am  physically the more troublesome I become) but that is debited to his finitude as a fallen creature – man.

So today I don’t like hypocrisy and lies. I abhor laziness and injustice. I loathe slanderers and hate immorality. These things my dad led me to believe that they were wrong. He was a leader to me yesterday and remains one today. So yes he was a leader all this time after all. My mom also played her motherly role and is equally a great leader in her own right. She still helps young women to grow up into women that are respectable. Long live Nyombei.

In a similar pattern, I will say that indeed tomorrow’s leadership surely comes – but it starts yesterday. I needed to have defended my brother against those thuggish kids of Shikuku. I know better because now my brother defends me when I am in need. I will be counted as a leader tomorrow based on what I started doing yesterday.

And with that I have abandoned my plans to join the monastery. Like Luther, will storm the convent, get myself a mamasita and make babies whom i’ll proceed to lead. I want to have my family and make them an example of good leadership and governance. My children will not have to learn from Society’s poor leadership – I teach them to follow me as I follow Christ.

I resolve to love my wife more. To love my children more. To Love my God more. To love my neighbour more. That to me is leadership.